It's My Fault
by doggypaw93
Summary: In the aftermath of the Potter's death, Sirius is the first one to arrive at their house. These are his thoughts as his world crumbles down around him.


**So this is my first one shot… let me know how it goes! And I might make this into a longer story, but for now it's a one shot.**

Sirius stumbled up the steps to the front door. He felt drunk. He felt delirious. He felt as if he was watching himself from up above, as if he wasn't one with his body anymore. He was numb. He glanced around the front yard before entering the house. It almost appeared as if everything was normal. The trees' leaves were still, just barely swaying with the breeze. The flowers Lily had carefully planted one by one in the spring were slowly wilting, but the spell James had put on them so they were preserved was still holding up pretty well. He saw a squirrel sprint up a tree and in the house next door, a Muggles' house, he could see the children eagerly sorting through all of their Halloween candy.

But everything wasn't normal. Everything was a disaster. Nothing would ever be the same again. And it was all his fault. It was his fault life had drastically been changed, affected so many people, seemed to stop time. He was having trouble breathing, but only acknowledged it as something he deserved to suffer from because it was his fault. It was his fault they were dead. It was his fault the dark mark was in the sky. The green cloud-like figure of a snake slithering out of a skull. His mark, Voldemort's. And it was Sirius' fault that Voldemort had been to this house at all that night.

He touched the door knob of the door and the door fell. Sirius noted the broken hinges and the slight cracks in the door that were blind to his eyes only moments before, as indicators that the door had been blasted open by force. That was his fault too.

He took a step into the house slowly, terrified of what he would find inside. The house looked like it always did. Sirius slowly entered the living room, but nothing was amiss. Lily like to keep the house clean, with just a touch of disorder so it felt like it was lived in and so James wouldn't go crazy. That's when he saw it, James wand, sitting on the side table. Sirius' breath caught in his throat as he picked it up. He gripped it in his left hand as his own wand sat in his right. He didn't know if the house was actually safe yet.

He crept into the hallway, passing the dining room. They rarely used it, it just didn't fit James and Lily's life style. They were laid back, they were young, they were Sirius' best friends. He was walking towards the back of the house, where the kitchen and the stairs were located when he saw it. The hallway turned and sticking around the corner was a life… with James' shoe on it.

_No!_ Sirius thought. _Please, no! _

Sirius stumbled over to the leg and looked around the corner, and there was James' body. A strangled cry emitted from him as he fell to the ground next to his best friend. His dead best friend, and it was his fault. He barely felt as the tears rolled down his cheeks. This was his brother, the only reason he made it through each day. Without him he wouldn't have ever been able to leave his home when he was sixteen. James and his family had taken him in. He owed everything to him. And how did he repay him? By killing him, because no matter what anyone said, it was his fault.

Sirius gripped his hair in his hands and pulled. He welcomed the pain. Because it meant he could still feel something. For his body felt numb. His heart and soul felt numb. Then he groaned as a thought crossed his mind.

_Lily. Harry._

Sirius reluctantly stood up. He knew they were all going to be dead. There was no question that they could be alive. He gripped the railing as the climbed the stairs as if it was the only thing keeping him connected to Earth. He stumbled into the nursery and was met by a slight burning smell. The roof was falling in. The wall was cracked and there was ruble everywhere.

And there was Lily, lying on the ground, her hair fanned around her head, a look of panic frozen on her face. Parts of the ceiling were on top of her and the first thing he did was remove those. Her body was limp and broken. He fixed her features into a more peaceful position. It was the least he could do, because it was his fault.

_Harry… where's Harry. The world is doomed, and it's all my fault, because they're all dead…_

And then he heard a faint crying from the crib. He pulled himself up from the ground using the rocking chair he had seen Lily sit in so many times with Harry. He walked over to the crib and what he saw stole his breath away. There was Harry… alive.

He had a lightening bolt shaped but on his head. A droplet of blood slowly rolled down Harry's nose and Sirius quickly wiped it away. The cut was already healing, forming into a well defined scar. Silent sobs started racking through Sirius' whole body and then he couldn't control them any longer and he wailed. He clutched Harry to him, James' and Lily's son, who wouldn't ever know his parents. Who would grow up alone. All because it was his fault.

Then Sirius heard a sound at the front door. He silently put Harry back into his crib, stepped around Lily and stood at the top of the stairs. He had to try his hardest not to stare at James, it hurt too much to think about.

He gripped his wand, he was ready to hurt which ever death eater was here. If they were here to defile James' and Lily's bodies, ravage the home, or take Harry and finish the job that their master wasn't capable of doing, he was ready. He wouldn't let it happen.

So he sighed in relief as he saw Hagrid turn the corner. He knew it had to be Hagrid because polyjuice potion wouldn't work with giant's blood, and Hagrid was half giant.

"Hagrid," Sirius said, his voice hoarse.

"Sirius," Hagrid started to say, but paused when he saw James lying on the ground. A wail escaped Hagrid's lips and the next second Sirius was stumbling down the stairs before giving Hagrid a hug as they both grieved for the death of two amazing people.

After a while Hagrid continued, "Harry, I heard he survived…"

"Yeah…" said Sirius and then he was dashing back up the stairs and into the nursery, Hagrid following him.

"I've been ordered to take him to Dumbledore. He's putting Harry somewhere safe I guess…"

"Yeah… good idea." Sirius' mind wasn't working properly. He couldn't take in exactly what Hagrid was saying. And then it snapped into place. Hagrid was being nice to him, but not everyone would, because it was his fault. Only a few, the Potters, Dumbledore, Remus, and Peter knew Sirius had been the secret keeper. But even less, only the Potters and peter had known that they switched to Peter.

Sirius' heart and resolve broke again at the thought of what Remus and Dumbledore must be thinking of him at the moment. Remus was his best friend and Dumbledore had been their mentor throughout school and after, while they were caught in the war.

_That rat… I need to… I need to… I need to stop him._

"Hagrid," Sirius said, terrified at what he knew he had to do, "take my bike, I won't need it anymore…"

With that Sirius kissed Harry cheek and then Hagrid nodded and left quietly. Sirius heard him start the bike and watched it disappear into the night, and Harry with it. That was his fault too.

Then Sirius floated Lily down the stairs and gently laid her body next to James. He would have done more but he knew others would be here soon, and they wouldn't be too happy to see him. Such as Remus, he thought it was Sirius' fault, which it was.

With that Sirius Black walked out of the Potter's house in Godric's Hollow for the last time, and as he did, all he thought was, _It's my fault._


End file.
